Sunday, February 27, 2005

light words with no brightness?

"Why dont you stop using complicated words and start using only simple words. I cant understand them." said she. How could I ever express the perfect pulchritude in choosing the apt words? How could I explain my feelings in a parlance that is alien to me? In my quest for uttering the right words, for selecting the exact set of letters to convey a meaning with a power punch, have I overdone it all and crossed a line where she understands me no more, where my words are merely audible sounds that scream empty sounds devoid of purpose?
"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause" - Mark Twain.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Of little creatures and scared men

Imagine a huge tarantular creature with a wide hungry mouth drooling foul smelling rotten stench, lined up with ugly, unshapely teeth stained with a distinct lack of hygienic brushing habit. Its skin is rough and rugged, dark black in color and repulsive to the touch. A winding tail which can sting and eyes glinting with devious evil completes the picture of this monster. I can understand if you stumble in fear upon coming eye to eye with this creature. But what of a pleasant, little grinning kid, neatly dressed up in christmas clothing whos eyes will line up directly with my kneecaps? Why should a grown up warrior like me be struck by a lightning attack of fear? Read on...

I wanted some soy milk (which I use in the morning to feed my growing muscles) and a few potatoes (which I...err... just eat) from the local food cooperative. I stride into the church and turn the corner into the basement. I see the large wooden divided door with a polite sign saying the door is closed but the store is not. The polite sign also mentions that the door is closed to preserve the air condition and is artistically embellished with pictures of vegetables and spinach. Appreciate the shrewd eco-sensitivity of its employees, I open the door and put the first foot forward. The lower corner of my eye and the upper corner of my retina catch a small obstacle that might hinder my thrusting foot. Alarmed thus, I freeze movement of my leg and move my eyes to examine this mass.

The sudden reflex reaction has put me on red alert. But my frowning face and squinting eyes catch a sight that made my whole day. Hidden behind the left half of the door and moving to my right is a little kid, dressed in a green cone woolen cap, a pale while sweater and a red overcoat with the littlest of shoes to protect its feet. Now, my friend is every amused at the sudden trepidation he has found in my eyes and merrily waves from 5 feet below me. He was eating a cookie too and even offered me a mini saliva stained share of it! (he was all of one year old) After exchanging pleasantries (which includes... actually encompasses...various types of grins, faces and acts of generating incorrible sounds), I went in search of my soy milk and he went in search of little ants and spiders hidden behind the drawers. That was not the last I would see of him that day. The next meeting, he was happily gobbling bananas and once again offered me a part of it!

Kids are innocent and have not quite figured out that resources are limited. They are happy, ever willing to made others happy and radiate a genuine sense of affection and love. How wonderful this world would be if none of us were troubled by questions of what do I have tomorrow? Its also a question of want I guess. Kids want a mother's breast to suck on, a dad's lap to lie on and an occasional cat or dog to pull its tail. Adults need a lawn mower, automobiles, cell phones, a charger for the cell phone, a surge protector, a house, money, friends, this and that.

I don't feel envious at this for once. Its love and for this, I am so glad that I am alive.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

to do or not to do

I don't understand it when people say "sorry, but i am going to do this". Either, they are truly sorry in which case, they should not be doing what they were going to do or they do not quite care eitherways and are going to do what they are doing in which case, the sorry is a sham. So why apologise while preparing to do what you are apologising for? I am being too picky, eh?! Na, dont worry, these idiosyncrasies are not going to put me off. But one of these days when I am in a bad mood, its going to tick me off... :-)

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

fights between friends

there are those friends that are no different from ourselves - we love them as much as we love ourselves and then there are those that we keep fighting with all the time. some of these friends who bear the brunt of violence (aka 'stupidity') go on to become remarkable friends later on. a prime example comes to mind - shanks. we started on a war footing. about the 7th standard, when the hormonal glands wake up and start wondering which way to grow and slowly start sending out their buds of growth, we were fighting on the way back from school - hiding behind bushes, inside abandoned wells and behind the walls of temples waiting for the other to pass by. ambush is what it was. i was tiny, thin, made a tough target to hit and i could shift my positions quickly. he was fat and strong making for a powerful cannon with an enormous reach - so large that sometimes after firing his round, our stomachs would cramp because an innocent cyclist would have ventured into the battlefield! stones and special sticks were our weapons of choice although we later improvised our weaponry to include compasses and dividers for short range attack and he moved on to dusters with accurate target hitting capabilities. psychological warfare was also used. i would pummel him on his 'unpatriotic' support for the australian cricket team while he would destroy me for being a class leader that was partial to friends. lunch hours were invariably spent fighting with dusters. it was like a wild west shootout with him and i throwing stuff at each other from both ends of the class. benches were used to garrison our places. surprise attacks were made on each other's territories. many a time, there were other guys in the war too. this made for great entertainment for the spectators(and of course made us popular with girls ;-)). soon enough, we made a pact and followed a no-first-attack policy for psychological attacks. but the physical violence continued.

its been 14 years and now we are the best of friends. but there have been those painful exceptions. a few with whom the fights degenerated and resulted in relationships which are not a fraction of what they used to be. the heart remembers them once in a while and cries tears of debt for all the good times past and that wont be. i only wish i dont loose any more of them like this. but who can stop a pendulum from moving to and fro?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Illiniwek - "man"

I have been living in the conquered lands of native Indian tribes for four years -the marshland of the past forested with wiry trees that withstood rapid weather changes, the windy region where the tall brown grasses danced to the tune of atmospheric vagaries, the kingdom of abundance roamed by majestic bisons. The "Hileni" or Illiniwek (means "man"), kickapoo, kaskasia, peoria, cahokia and shawnee called these lands their only home - a land with no boundaries, a land that will provide all they ask and more.

In all of four years, I have conveniently chosen to remain oblivious to their plight, to the cruel way in which the conquerers from across the atlantic and beyond, mercilessly killed them all one by one- making false promises, plotting one tribes against another and using gunpowder to slowly eradicate them. With no retort for modern killing machines, they lived a life of fear and writhed under the agony of a future that will be taken away from them by none other than yet another human.

What can we do from the history but learn and try not to repeat the mistakes? But slow as we are in assimilating, we forget the past and plan a future by destroying the present. The genoicide in Africa goes but as a small news item that has been forgotten within a decade, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq can be justified with infinite arguments but what good are arguments against the lost life of an innocent child?

The root cause of all this is competition - competition between countries to either protect their own resources or conquer another countries resources. Perhaps, it is merely a scaled up version of the very same competition to obtain a share of the market or a good grade in class that is available in limited quantities, the motives are nothing more than the motive of a soccer player who pushes himself past the point of exhaustion for clinching a victory - His victory. So, is competition bad? I do not know. I am one of those who dislike to loose - it feels good to win, you see. The primal instinct to beat the odds and come out victorious. Is it possible to quench it? You tell me.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Is life that superb?

What do I treasure? What is it that will evoke feelings of happiness, admiration, excitement? What is it that activates my neurons and pushes my soul one notch higher in expectation? What is it that shows the world in a better light every day and every night to keep the life force pumping?

Whatever it is, has taken a short stroll out today. Oft neglected and criticized, I have been wanting it to come back so that I can go to sleep with a content heart. Today being a Valentine's day, I almost sound like a wistful lover, Ha! But its no girl I seek but a deeper truth that transcends all of it (if one exists, that is!)

Is life merely a chemical process? Many wise men, philosophers and scientists have pondered over this unmitigable of questions and yet have come to no certain conclusions. It is a rather sad commentary on the intelligence of mankind, I suppose! So are we merely like a colony of fungi - starts from nothing, procreates under generous availability of food, grows into a competing colony, the weeker ones are weeded out slowly while the composition of the colony is biased more and more towards stronger fungi and finally, a resource crunch wipes them all out. The analogy seems fairly consistent with what happens in the babboon world (i have been reading robert sapolsky's 'a primates memoir', of course!) and taking another giant leap, with that of the human world.

So where goes my lofty ideals of sanctity of labor, passion, dedication, love for you and me, scientific curiosity, artistic beauty, intellectual stimulation? Aren't they merely figments in the chemical process of carbon bipeds accumulating mass and finally dying? Ah, this thought is killing me.

I suppose I should go now, catch some sleep thinking about some nice pastures grazed by fat, happy spotted cows, think about the lives of great scientists, wonder about the happy times with the best of friends (am i being superflous here?!), imagine lying on my mothers lap, quarelling with my dad, going fishing with friends, wonder about the warm spring in chennai, deftly spent flying kites... the morning comes, a new week starts and the grind begins again until the resource crunch hits hard.

I am reminded of an Ernest Hemingway quote I came across last week

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know"

I suppose quoting it does not show my modesty in any good light but I suppose I can safely replace "intelligent" with "thinking", include myself in it and avoid raising any brow.

- yet another statistic

Friday, February 11, 2005


Windows has a sense of humor! 411394 minutes=9 1/2 months!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Autograph- The movie

So you had a childhood crush on a girl when you were in class 5. It was a deep feeling of 'hey this feels nice. i want to spend more time with her' (sometimes I wonder if grown up love is anything more than this. Can anything be even better than this feeling?). One day, long after you have grown up and become immune to the pleasures of small things, you see her on the road. What do you do? This is one of the themes tacked by the Tamil movie "Autograph".

The movie alternates between the teenage and college life of our hero to his present day. After his marriage day is fixed, the hero visits all the places where he spent his growing years, meeting with his old friends, classmates, school teachers and crushes. Instead of forming theories about why things did not work, without vindicating people on their past behavior, our hero embraces them all and invites them for his wedding. He comes across as a genuine and quite a normal human being subjected to the vagaries of fortunes and whims of the many.

The movie was a novel idea and was wonderfully well made. The acting could have been improved but the actors were first timers and show bright promise. Attention to detail and recreation of authentic village scenarios were impressive.

Some of the dialogues in the movie, some patters of behavior and some of the events are so typical of what a visitor to an Indian village sees and it was a delight watching the director capture it all.

A great thought provoker done with a trimphant spirit. Watch it patiently on a saturday afternoon; remember to keep plenty of tissues!

Friday, February 04, 2005

Nell - The movie

What started out as a mere curiosity with an unnaturally supressed sense of excitement to annul any possible disappointments ended up as a raptuous fare of intellectual delight and satisfaction. Jodie Foster, Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson play the lead roles in this provocative drama about a girl born and brought up deep in the woods without any exposure to the outside world. As a result she develops a language which is unique to her, attitudes which are clear and simple and a perspective which all of us have to die to develop. As usual, some people find her and the ensuing fight is between good and evil. But dont be taken in by what I say- the movie is much more complex than that, raising several questions along the way - how would these people develop in the absence of external influences? How do feelings of insecurity and jealousy manifest itself? Do they even exist? What is their reaction towards new experiences? What drives them? What keeps them happy? What should we do to such people? Why is sensationism sought after by us without thinking twice? and a million others. I will leave the pleasure of asking many more such questions and slowly chiselling your way to the answer, to the curious few. Enjoy, "Nell".