A sticky situation

[Prof. Phillips walks in as my seminar is about to start... I sense something significant forgotten... Panic strikes and a single bead of sweat peeps out of my forehead and takes a good look at the audience... 4 minutes to go...]

P: Good luck!
I: Do you have a laser pointer? (Thats it!)
P: Sorry, no.

[I become desperate; I am about to choke to death - as my last beacon of hope forsakes me... And then, I find a pointing stick...2 minutes...P walks in through the door again - Deja vu (Matrix: "something is wrong")]

P: Here is the pointer...
[I prefer sticks and I have no intention of using the pointer... I, then, conjure up a wicked plot...]
I: Well, I found a stick! [I demonstrate the existence of a stick by waving it in front of him]
P (not amused): I walked all the way to my room to get this for you...
I (cleverly): Let me start with the stick and if that does not work, I will use your pointer...
P (certainly not amused): A stick always works. It is made of wood, you see.

[I notice ripples of laughter in the audience - they are in the right mood now. I pick up the stick and start my talk with a sly glance to P, imagining what was going on inside his head -- "adamant, incorrigible, little son of a..."]

On cycles and chains...

"You have short fingers. You will hold on tight to money" concluded my dad after an inspection of my palms. This happened after my mother (in half amusement and three quarters anger) reported to dad that I had hit a cyclist on my bike and he asked me for Rs. 7, which I promptly gave him. She added, "upon further thought, your son concluded the cyclist was drunk, the fault was the drunkards and to repair the cycle would cost exactly Rs. 5. So, he caught that fellow and got himself refunded with Rs. 2". My dad nodded his head in disbelief (and I wish to think some amount of pride over my shrewd behaviour) and gazed into the distance...

Before you smirk upon my behavior as being indecent unworthy of a gentleman, let me justify it. You think, afterall the drunkard has been through pscyhological trauma. And you can always afford Rs. 2. Why should you be a cheap skate to chase him, threaten him and get the Rs. 2 back? But my logic worked on several levels: 1) Any extra money I give him, he is going to use up getting drunk. So I might as well pay him just as much as it would cost to get his transport repaired. 2) The fault was his and even the 5 was a goodwill gesture. 3) I hate drunkards and we should introduce DUI laws for desi drunkards on bicycles 4) That Rs. 2 was my dad's hard earned money... (I ought to now confess that point 2 was foremost on my mind -- so I am not primarily noble)...

(fast forward 11 years to Aisle A in Champaign Super Walmart)

(Preoccupied with thoughts of going jobless after doing a splendid job with the PhD, a desi grad student prowls the aisle considering money conservation as the primary objective during this shopping spree - ironically)

S had demanded mattar sabjee for dinner. Little did I know that this harmless request would lead me to rediscover a perspective in life that had remained hidden for more than a decade in the dark, dingy alleyways of my mind. So I look for frozen mattar in Aisle A and find that it comes in two packages -- one a family pack (of 32oz) and the other a normal pack (of 26oz) size. I suppose the families for which this particular package was meant are familites where grown ups eat most of the mattar and the kids are left to starve... That apart, the unit prices differed by 1c between these packages (made by the same company) and for 32oz, that is going to cost me 32c more for the same mattar from possibly the same set of plants. This was rediculous. Looks like I could save $5-$10 every shopping trip (thats 10% of every typical grocery trip - which is free profit for the companies without doing any extra work!)

I thought about all the good things in life I missed by abandoning money conservation the last 11 years. I started to understand Gujjus better. Now when my wife goes to shop and stares at the prices for a full ten minutes before she decides to buy a pack of mattar, I will not mock her. You see, a single person waging a war against these chain stores is indeed worthy of my admiration

(epilogue: I felt proud of my cunning, came back home and shared it with my dear friend in bangalore. My conversation with him cost me $20.60 in phone bills...)

hare-o-dynamic

Growing up in the sweltering heat of madras, one would expect its citizens to watch the weather every single day. But they dont. The vagaries of the weather are too little to be bothered about. It is cramping hot for most of the year and then, there are the monsoons for 3 months, a month of cold mornings in december (the month of "margazhi") and its back to hot and humid again. The doordarshan guys who dutifully talked about the weather after every news bulleting were frowned upon as a waste of time. But the redeeing fact was the large map which adorned the screen. It was amazing to know that I lived in a country as huge.

Fast forward 4 years and now, I desperately watch the weather every morning, afternoon, late evening and night hoping for an hour or two of good weather here and there (yes, in Illinois (the winery of the weather gods?), the weather changes from a high 90 to a low 70 with snow within 2 hours). The aerodynamics of this place is crazy. Blessed with good weather yesterday, I took a walk in the neighboring fields reminescing about the good old days when I used to walk with my friends in the farmlands around my home, exploring hill sides and taking baths in the ponds around. After an hour of walking, I came upon an empty area of grass with three hares looking jittery. One of them was immobile and the other two were watching over it from a distance away. I walk near them expecting to see a hare in the throes of childbirth but they all run away leaving behind three little hares (they are small, hairless and look like a cross between a mini seal and a rat). The little ones were very puzzled and wondered who this monster was that is looking curiously at them. It was absolutely fantastic discovering this nest!

Then, I walked some more and found a bored horse which happily accepted the grass I offered it (normal, green grass - wonder what a horse would do if I fed it the real "grass stuff"). He would eat the grass I give him and ask for more but would not let me touch him. After humoring him for a while (and after filling his stomach), he decided to humor me and let me touch his face but soon tried to bite me! Well, he was just warning me but that was enough for me to take the hint and go home. I went home, opened my browser and typed www.cnn.com/weather...

Piranda Naal Vaazhthukkal... Feliz Cumpleaños...

April 10th was the day I was born. Usually my birthdays are celebrated on this day unless something drastic happens -- which has, thankfully, not happened so far. I woke up to the usual early birds that decided to torment me today (just like any other weekend, i suppose) with phone calls. Of course, when I scold, they come up with flimsy excuses citing lunar eclipses, radar failure, Iridium contamination etc. Today being my day, I magnanimously pardoned them (mostly with the devious intention of receiving their gifts before scolding them)... as a result of my brilliant strategy, i am now the proud owner of an electronic dart board, a heavy key chain, half a cake, some greeting cards and a greeting card guised as a powerpoint presentation (these sweet geeks!). And these wonderful people had also cleverly figured out that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... they fed me an abundance of idlis and dosas along with plenty of home made gulab jamoons and machine made rosogullas. My normally stoic roommate A and his ebullient friend S made yummy omlets in the afternoon and A (dubiously?) claimed he made it for me. :-) Put to sleep by the abundance of affection, my head even conjured up a dream in the midst of my happy afternoon siesta -- I discover an error in the clark tables ("log book"). And while I was busy trying to figure out the ramifications of my discovery for science in general, S called and woke me up. After rambling something for a while, I went back to blissful sleep...